I was going to post a link to a Blitz Session today, but I found something much more important and even better…
I just sat down and asked a few questions of a woman that you're going to want to hear.
I've been hearing a lot of concerns in email, the blog, the forums, that guys think that women don't want them to approach during the day.
Well, I'm going to help you with this right now.
You want to listen to this audio right away…
Close the door and listen to this audio NOW.
(WARNING: Your reality is going to be shaken here…)
thanks Carlos for this audio. I guess one reason I don't do more talking is the fear of rejection…I guess I just gotta have more "cajones".
Comment by Gene — August 2, 2008 @ 1:21 pm
OK. Here's the thing. I heard the whole audio. Heard exactly what the woman said about women wanting men to approach them and as much as I would like to believe this, I just can't wrap my head around this. Women wanting men to approach? I guess my experiences with approaching women or watching other guys approach women has made me somewhat "jaded", for lack of a better term. My major fear of the approach is not the approach itself but the conversation. I'm not talking about what to say to her but a miscommunication between me and her. For example, if she says something that I interpret as interest from her and make my move to ask for the number but she see it as just being friendly, it just feels like I set myself up for failure and who wants to do that!
Just my two cents.
Comment by Austin — August 2, 2008 @ 3:03 pm
Well this would have effect me greatly if I haven't been going out and having small talk with women that I meet during my daily routine. In fact I find it easier to approach women during the daylight hours then I do when I'm at a club. And to the guys out there who still wounder should I; Yes you should. In the past week I've meet somewhere near a 100 women, and only one acted stuck up. Those are good odds. Plus those odds get better if you take into consideration that a persons attitude has nothing to do with you, but every thing to do with that person. All in all I think it does us guys some good to hear the truth from a woman. It helps to debunk the media induced myth that women are cold unapproachable bitches.
Comment by Richard — August 2, 2008 @ 5:32 pm
To Austin,
Hey just let the conversation flow. Don't worry about interpreting things just pay attention, real attention. If she's interested she'll drop the hints.
Comment by Richard — August 2, 2008 @ 5:37 pm
I guess one of the reasons I feel this way is because of the influence of movies and music videos has had an effect on me. Pretty hard to admit but I have to say it's true! The underlying theme I get from most of them are if you're not good looking and/or don't have a nice car, your chances of getting women are slim to none. It doesn't help that people out on the street perpertuate these images in the real world that seem to confirm my fear.
But then again, that fear is probably just proof that I need to get out of the house more and meet more women on the street versus just sitting home watching T.V. and letting mainstream media dictate to me what women want or what it means to be an Alpha Man.
Comment by Austin — August 3, 2008 @ 9:59 am
Hi All!
I happen to work in an environment where I see and talk with around 100 women a day at a store. I can literally tell you from personal experience about 90% of the ladies are surprised at first when I say hello. The other 10% may be but hide it better and return the hello. Usually it's a combination of both and make it clear they appreciate it. I've gotten to know many women other guys I work with get tongue tied over and we have a great time teasing, talking and enjoying our time together.
I have had several make it clear other things were available and if I didn't have other commitments, I would. It's fascinating to see how just getting over the whole approach anxiety crap helps you to pay more attention to her, her clues and her reactions instead of being caught up in your own head games. I've watched other guys I work with get shot down big time because they do the whole "deer in the headlights" routine while they talk to them and ask for a number. It's not that she isn't interested, it's she can tell right off they have no confidence. They're more worried about getting shot down than succeeding.
Get over it already! I literally don't care one way or the other because if she's stuck up, she's not worth my time anyway. If she attempts to shoot me down, I shake my head and move on to something else. Trust me, I've had several try to restart things. When it gets to be a natural part of you to greet women you meet as if it's just a part of being polite, you find it's a lot easier than you ever thought and there's a lot more to women who used to make you nervous once you get past it.
I'm not a PUA nor am I interested in being one. I don't practice my lines, openers or "work" the room. The most common comment I make is the simplest, "How are you today?" and look them right in the eye, wait for an answer and move the conversation according to how she answers. I have had only 2 - yes TWO - women out of several thousand I've talked to fail to respond in a friendly, open way.
A few have told me it's because it's such a simple way to say hello and it's clear I honestly want to know how they are doing and I'm not afraid to look them in the eye while I wait for an answer. What could be simpler? Back in the olden days when men wore hats everywhere, it was extremely rude to not tip their hat and acknowledge a woman you passed by. Maybe if you changed your thinking to seeing this as being polite, a simple acknowledgment she is a woman and you appreciate her, it might make it easier to see how she could interpret your NOT saying something as rude. Especially if you have eye contact and you say nothing, how can you not expect her to be offended, think you're either a wuss or just another player wannabe with no game?
It gets to be a lot of fun and you soon find you have no worries about it any more. You're just being nice and if she wants to be rude, her problem and for remember it's her problem, not yours.
Have great one, just be yourself, take a deep breath and ask her how she's doing. Your results will surprise you…
David
Comment by David — August 3, 2008 @ 10:10 am
Hello Carlos
My first question for day time approach Teleseminar event is very stupid — how to look at women who are walking by? This is something I have been struggling for a long time. If I see a woman walking towards my direction, I will notice her from say 20 feet away, from that point until we pass by, this is the time I have no idea how to look at her.
I know I will be nervious, I know the voice in my head will be telling me "Don't let her know you are looking at her, it's rude, it's not good to let her know you are checking her out." So for most of the time, we just never make eye contact. For those time that we do make eye contact, I don't know how to look at her. I have learned from some gurus that you should not look away until she looks away, but it doesn't help me much. Especially if she is a beautiful girl, I always get this unfriendly, cold, or snobbish reaction from her face while she looks away. The worst feeling I get is when she looks as if she knows she is too good for me, and she will "arrogantly look away".
A lot of time I can't approach women during the day time is because of that. I feel like I already "communicated" with her and I already lost.
The next question is of course, what to say when I don't know what to say, I am sure this is a common one for everybody. How to vibe with her without falling into "friend zone"?
This will be my question, please advice
Thanks Carlos
Comment by Brett — August 3, 2008 @ 12:29 pm
Carlos, I felt a spirt of confidence (and urgency)after I listened to that recording.
I have a great idea for a future teleseminar. How about talking about how men should handle themselves AFTER the first date?
Thanks.
Robert
Comment by Robert — August 3, 2008 @ 11:00 pm
Carlos, I think you missed the point with sweet Jane. Every woman likes to be approached. Why? Because they are out there to attract men, and by approaching you are saying that she's good at it. Period. You should have asked sweet Jane why she wanted those 3 or 4 men she mentioned in the audio to approach her. Did she wanted to eventually sleep with them? I don't think so. (Yes, women know this up front unless it turns out the guy is a complete idiot). So, by approaching such women the guy doesn't get anything (as she said in the video, something like "…it will be then easier for a guy to talk to another woman" (after he talked to me) yeah right, what a crap), but woman does. That's why they want men to approach them. Whether they will have something more with the guy is another story, which I hope you will cover in the next audio with sweet Jane. Don't get me wrong here, I do approach women but once you have enough confidence to do it you are not that thrilled with approaching only. She said about only 10% of men she smiled at approached her, but that's about the same percentage of women that showed interest which actually got intimate with me. Why do women show interest when they actually don't want to get intimate (I don't mean right away, right)? And here's something I would really like Jane to answer: After a woman that showed interest in me turned me down and afterwards I slept with her friend, why she now doesn't want to talk to me? I mean, she turned me down, can't she now be just happy for her friend?
Comment by Marco — August 4, 2008 @ 6:06 am
I see women who are obviously attracted to me quite often. What keeps me (generally) from approaching them is not the fear of them saying No, but the thought that, if I say something, it will probably sound so stupid that all the attraction that she had for me will be lost. If I don't approach her, at least I have a chance when I can think of something to say.
Comment by Ray — August 4, 2008 @ 11:07 pm
I think this interview miss the difference between ideas and realities, or perhaps between generic and specific.
Let's say you ask a number of men if they would like to have women approaching them. Most would say something like "Yeah, sure!", but give them a specific example like saying a part time acoholic 50 year old owerweight woman approches them they would probably go "Eww, hell no!".
Comment by Staffan V — October 6, 2008 @ 1:51 pm
I think that's a generalization. You're saying that we only want people to talk to us that we find attractive?
That is absolutely NOT the case, if the person does it in a way that isn't lewd or creepy.
Observe really balanced and stable women (not the bitches) and how they handle guys who aren't very visually appealing when they approach. They handle it very politely and with aplomb.
(and I do, too…)
You can't filter your approachers like a google search. You have to take the good with the not-so-good.
Bottom line - Women really do want men to approach. So unless you're the 50 year old overweight MAN, what are you worried about?
Let's stop arguing for the exceptions out there and argue for the reality that is not stuck in "I'm scared" thinking, guys.
Just get out there and DO IT!
Jeez.
-M
Comment by Michelle J — October 6, 2008 @ 2:14 pm
OH, and you said "they would probably go "Eww, hell no!"."
Why don't you go approach some women and ask them and find out?
Sounds like speculation that never gets validated, Staffan.
Comment by Michelle J — October 6, 2008 @ 2:15 pm